I don’t love and connect with the car I drive, the meal I put on the table each night, or the clothes I put on my back. I love and connect with people. I’m trying to understand my reactions to inaction so I can soften my jagged edges. As time goes on, I’m learning more about the dynamics of relationships and really appreciate the amazingly kind people who have remained and those who have arrived in my life since Ben died. (more…)

It’s about time, isn’t it? Our lives are marked by time…how old we are, what grades our kids are in, how many days until…… And we learn so many of life’s lessons with the passage of time.

Tomorrow it will be 6 months ago that Ben died. Six months. 26 weeks. 182 days.

A few years ago, one of my son Ben’s friends started teasing me about being in the “autumn” of my life. I think that’s about the time I started my deep reflections on what I’d done with my life to that point, who I am, and what I’d like to do before I die. Since Ben’s death, that scrutiny has greatly intensified, involving a lot of introspection, self-loathing for the regrets that I have, and trying to find a way to live with my grief. All while dealing with the ordinariness of life. (more…)